Grand Experiment, Day Zero

Saw a woman dancing in her car today. And by dancing, I mean full-fledged, whole body, arms flailing, head banging rocking out while she waited for the light to change.

She was at least 100 years old.

I’m pretty sure.

I was actually a little concerned that she might fracture a wrist on the steering wheel.

I also saw an entire pickup truck plus a trailing RV turned over in the ditch. A woman was talking to the cops, while three small children played in the dirt on the median. As we blew by, I thought, “Man, it’s too bad I can’t stop and see if they need help.” And then I continued agonizing over the possible outcomes on the test I just took.

Half an hour later, I thought… wait a minute… Why couldn’t I have stopped to see if they needed help?

Was it because I was travelling at 70 mph, and there was traffic all around me? Was it because there were already cops everywhere? Was it because I was not personally in the driver’s seat? Was I so wrapped up in worrying about various imperfections in my own life that this other woman’s plight took 35 miles to really sink in?

I’m still puzzled by that. I had this thought that they needed help, but somehow was unable to interject myself into the role of helper.

As you can tell, it’s still bothering me.

Am I that self-absorbed???

Maybe I need to start a grand experiment. One in which I live wholly in the moment, and outside of my own head–fully aware of other people’s needs and my own opportunities to serve them, instead of pouring so much energy into regret over my own failings.  (Just as soon as I stop ruminating over this latest one…) Maybe I need to stop worrying about all the things I haven’t done, and simply look around me for the things I can do, right now, as my own imperfect self.  Yes?


2 responses to “Grand Experiment, Day Zero

  • Becky Forsyth

    I agree that we should look around us and do what we can, right now. We also need to know when “helping” we may actually be hindering. You said there were many cops already on the scene. If you would have stopped, would they have let you help the children playing in the dirt, or would they have ask that you not block access to an emergency site? I think that if you should have stopped, you would have.

  • kimkiminy

    No, you are not THAT self-absorbed. If the cops were already on scene, what sort of aid could you have given them, exactly? You may have just been in their way. No, you did okay. Stop beating yourself up.

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