In keeping with the precedent set when we bought my daughter a car last year (a 1988 Honda Accord with lots of character) we have procured another winning vehicle for my son, who will be sixteen this year, and has passed his drivers education course.
Hank is more than eleven years older than his soon to be owner; this fact brings with it some benefits:
- Chances are, he’s not going to be getting any speeding tickets. Hank’s top speed is legal almost everywhere. I hope the insurance company takes that into consideration when quoting us a premium here in few months.
- He won’t have to worry about getting the upholstery dirty: there isn’t any.
- Ditto concerns over damaging things like the interior door handles. Hank doesn’t have those, either; you exit the vehicle by rolling down the window and using the outside ones. Which should work out at least the muscles in the upper left half of his body. At least as long as the window regulator holds out–and the one on the passenger side seems to be in great shape.
- He will never lock his keys in the truck. (What would posses you to lock this thing?)
- For some reason… Hank has two trailer hitches. Surely that will come in handy for something.
- He’s going to learn hand signals really, really well.
- Surely connected with the electrical malfunction addressed in #6: Without lights he can’t drive after dark! Hahahahahahaah.
- Hank gets really good gas mileage. Something to do with almost anything not integral to the functioning of the vehicle having already fallen off. No, that’s not just a shadow, there is no front grill. Or rearview mirror.
- Nobody will ever steal the stereo system. Unless cassette decks come back into vogue:
- The odometer is already tantalizingly close to flipping over the 100,000 mile mark again, and that’s always a good excuse to celebrate.
- And last but not least, if the horn works, I’ll bet it has character. Haven’t tried it yet–it was all I could do to park the darn thing: I couldn’t quite reach the clutch.
- Which brings up another advantage that Hank has, over even his more modern sibling, the Accord: Mom can’t adjust the seat so you probably won’t ever get in your vehicle only to realize that your knees are up under your chin.