5:00 am

Alarm does its thing

5:00:01

Me: Dear God, I know I already slept in an hour or two longer than I should have, and I know that I say this every morning, and I know your answer is always the same, but do I really have to get out of bed?

God: Rolls His omniscient eyes

Me: Technically I could sleep for another hour and  go to work in my pj’s. You know I could. You also know that I will be miserable and running behind for the rest of the entire day and I won’t get any exercise in and that I will probably want to shoot myself in some fatal place by the end of the day and that even though I also know this, you know that I probably will–just turn the thing off and reset it for six. You know I will. So help me out here.  Just this once, and I’ll never ask this question again.

My entire abdominal region: Sudden gut-wrenching, searing cramp.

Me: Okay! I’m up! I’m up!

Cramps: Gone.

I didn’t bother to argue about whether or not to get on the treadmill.

Yeesh.