It’s Monday again.
Manic doesn’t seem to be the correct term for it, however. Kind of mellow around here. Unless you focus on the fact that my entire epidermis has broken out in mysterious hives that come and go at random. Well, not totally at random. There’s a bit of a pattern, ie: the intensity of the itch is inversely proportional to my activity level. So if I am rushing madly around Safeway throwing food into the cart, I’m mostly fine. I can ignore the powerful urge to flay myself alive. While I’m standing at the checkout, I begin to weaken, and scratch the back of my calves with first the toe of one sneaker and then the other. Pretty soon I’m dragging my nails along my arms in oh-so-subtle slow motion. The people behind and in front of me probably believe I’m highly contagious. Or high on something. And if I come home and try to do something truly sedentary, like say, sleep? Yeah, not happening.
I told you Mondays might all be whining and complaints. But enough of that, I promise. I have full confidence in the medical profession to come up with a solution to that. Soon. As in Thursday which is the soonest they could squeeze me in. Please.
Meanwhile, on a more positive note, or maybe even twelve (because I’m OCD like that and like my lists to be good, solid numbers), a recap of this week’s manic ingredients. This week I:
1) Welcomed home Child #1 from an extended trip to Hawaii. As in, Mom, I need to learn to drive stick before class on Monday. As in NOW. Ya think? Previous attempts ended, shall we say, er, with the car being stranded in various locations around town and even in the middle of our street, right outside the house, for several hours, while everyone drove around it. She actually did really well this round, once she figured out the quirks of the clutch. (So did her little brother. Who I may or may not have given permission to test the driving waters sans-license in a big frozen field out by Genie last night. Yes, that’s right, I have another child up for driver’s training this year. I’m just a-shiver with anticipation.)
2) Ran twelve miles. No, not all at once–four at a time. Well. technically, I probably only ran nine… the last mile every day dissolved into a pathetic sort of loping gait as I favored my right foot, but wasn’t willing to quit early. You will not defeat me, Nordictrack, you will not defeat me, turn over you blasted odometer, turn! Lest you think me worthy of great praise for such tenacity, let me here admit that actually I’m a big wimp. I have discovered that the only total–if temporary–cure for the itching is when my heart rate is out of sight. Like way out of target range. Itch disappears. I feel like I’m going to die of heart failure some days, but no itch. It’s a tossup, I tell you.
3) Attended my first two classes of the semester. Three hours on Friday, seven on Saturday. Sitting in a desk. Egad. There isn’t enough Benedryl in the world for that. Not that large amounts of Benedryl actually have any affect…
4)Washed every washable item I own with hypoallergenic laundry soap. In the middle of the night. Make that nights.
5) Made two batches of applesauce, two pies, two batches of cinnamon rolls, and one chocolate cake.
6) And lest you think I’m going overboard with the comfort food, let me just demonstrate that I have also been pointing out, to my children, healthy alternatives and showing them relative caloric equivalents of serving sizes:
7) Helped fifteen twelve-year-old girls try to define, for themselves, what characteristics of strong womanhood they want to achieve in their own lives. Honestly, many of their answers astounded me. The future is in good hands.
8 ) Cleaned my kitchen:
What, that doesn’t impress you? Clearly, you didn’t see it before I cleaned it. (Or during the thirty seconds it stayed clean, for that matter…)
9) Considered taking down my Christmas tree. On several occasions. It, however, makes me break out in legitimate hives on the best of days. I’m torn between donating a significant portion of the Christmas ornaments to Goodwill or sneaking them into the trash. Heaven only knows I don’t want to store them, take them out or put them away, ever again. Bah, humbug! (I can say that now Christmas is over, right?)
10) I cleaned the stove top. Come on! Look at that thing–you can see your face it in!
11) Caught up on reading blogs and emails and other non-essential, but social niceties. Sorry–if I don’t comment anymore it isn’t because I’m not reading, I just read on my iPod and I’m not the greatest at typing on a screen the size of a credit card.
12) Overdosed on Benedryl one night–to no effect. It made me really, really loopy, but no less itchy. Ditto for Zyrtec, gallons of Eucerine and Aveeno, and cutting all dairy, citrus, apples, nuts, fish and any other suspected allergens out of my diet. Could a girl be allergic to… I don’t know… air? What’s the antidote for that?
Okay, I know, I promised no more whining. Enough. Tomorrow’s fun will not have anything to do with hives, I promise…