Food for Thought

My parents divorced when I was four years old. Their new marriages weren't a walk in the park either. I know first-hand the long-term reprecussions of familial discord, and as a young person, I made up my mind that divorce was only an option in cases involving abuse of some sort, but over the years, I've seen, as Dallin H. Oaks observes in the following clip, that there are situations worse than divorce; that there has to be a way to end a broken marriage if one or both parties ever hope to progress. 
That said, I remember feeling like the odd man out, really–I knew other kids with divorced parents, but it wasn't the majority of my peers. Divorce was not the norm. Now, I look around and wonder what on earth my kids must think! Have I reached an age where my peers are more likely to be hitting the divorce courts, or are the very foundations of the American family getting shaky? 
Almost every married couple I know seems to be struggling right now. Not to air the family laundry, but out of fourteen marriages in our immediate family (both sides), there are four couples who have never separated from, and are still firmly attached to their first spouse. 
Four. 
My kids are the odd ones out–parents living in the same house, eating at the same table. What must they think? 

Makes me think twice. Take a little less for granted. I feel blessed, far beyond what I have labored for. My soul sways in wonder at the lengths God has stretched to bless me, all my life. I asked M the other night–what have we done to deserve this? We are proud and stubborn and downright stupid sometimes. And still here we are, still firmly us

Came across this video today, while looking up a recipe. Food for thought. 

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15 responses to “Food for Thought

  • Emjay

    I am the eldest of 4. I am the only one on my second marriage – everyone else seems very content.

  • Emjay

    Oh – I pushed "post" too soon! I don't have any long term friends still on their first marriage – and most of my "new" friends are either divorced or on their 2nd, or even 3rd, marriage, that is quite sad isn't it – but also interesting from a statistical point. I certainly thought that I was marrying for life the first time.

  • P.S.

    Everyone I have seen that have been divorced, or who have someone close to them that have been divorced- there is just so much pain there. Before, or after- and sometimes the divorce itself is a relief from the pain.
    I love the quote from the video– Love the Lord, Keep the Commandments and do the best you can.
    Sometimes people going through a divorce are like a rock hurled into a pond. They were the one thrown, they felt the pain and they are so deep into the water, they can't see the ripple effects touching the entire rest of the pond. Divorce touches everyone. I hope all touched by divorce can move on in a healthy, happy way.

  • Kimber

    And I'm wondering why the new statistics? What has changed so much? It isn't as if the ten of the fourteen with troubles didn't have REAL troubles in their marriage. I can't point to any of them and say hey, you two just needed to grow up or tough it out. You hit it exactly, nobody really expects, when they marry, for it to end in divorce. We all think that's for other people.

  • Kimber

    The ripples are what I'm seeing–more like tidal waves. It is almost like divorce is contagious within a family (or ward), sometimes.

  • P.S.

    I wonder if it's a case of first reject, then accept, then embrace ? Society first rejected the idea of divorce, then they accepted it, because there are those cases when it is a good idea, and now many have embraced or over embraced the idea.
    I do think divorce can be 'contagious' as is suicide- or other extreem absolutes. I also think that when there is a huge core group that are all striving to accomplish something either good or bad, they can sweep with them many fence sitters.

  • Forbidden Oona

    Its an interstesting topic. My parents nearly divorced a few times and ultimatly stayed together till I graduated high school. Although I know this isnt strictly true, I felt responsible for them being stuck together unhappily for so many years. But at my wedding this past month I am grateful they did stay together as long as they did. It has been several years since the divorce but over the years i have been able to talk to them about what was right and what went wrong. And My husband has been divorced previously. We decided to respect eachother first. Our reverand gave us great advice he said " don't talk about the negative things with those outside your marriage. or if you must, then not with family or friends who may be well intentioned but too close to the source

  • Kimber

    What beautiful wedding pictures! I hope you always remember your high hopes and commitments you've made now to respect each other–it isn't always easy, but what worthwhile thing ever is?

  • Forbidden Oona

    Thank you so much!! We had wanted a small wedding but he raised a good point. His first weddign was small they werent involved with their families and they divorced. His family all wanted to be a part of the day and I was happy that they did. This wedding was as much for them as for us and we hope they will remind us when we think its too hard

  • xmangerm

    The video was very helpful. Thanks.

  • Ginger

    Oh to understand and to help others understand how to become humble and use the atonement in our marriages. This video got J and I out of a huge rut. But it took me having to pray vocally with him and to communicate thru prayer, (as I see it)

  • RTE

    I just came across this post. Looking for some information. I really appreciated that post as I have always appreciated you and your family. I hope you and yours are doing well.

  • Kimber

    If you are who I think you are, I hope you are doing well too. Well, no matter who you are, I suppose. This is such a difficult trial. I know many people (little and big!) who pray for you and your family.

  • RTE

    Who I am is of little consequence, but your prayers and concern are very much appreciated whether they are, or are not for me specifically. Might I ask of you a favor? I believe you have a brother-in-law that is going to have a very important and complicated surgery. To him, his wife and kids: I pray for him and them, hoping that his surgery will be successful and his longevity and quality of life might greatly improve. I hope that is not too much to ask. Thank-you.

  • Kimber

    Of course–he's in surgery right now. Just in case you didn't have it, here's the link to the site. http://jasonskidney.blogspot.com/ I know we all have our own problems, but man, when I think of theirs, I thank God for my own.

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