Excuses

In honor of all those who have asked (and I thank you for your concern; it's good to be missed) today we have a choose-your-own-adventure post. Do you remember those books? Reading them with twenty bookmarks and going back, trying make sure you explored every alternate ending?
We'll try to keep things simpler than that. 
Why Kimber hasn't posted for more than two weeks:
  1. Her computer was seized by the FBI after her children inadvertently Googled a random combination of chemicals, electronic components and political ideologies deemed suspicious by the US Patriot Act of 2001. 
  2. After four years of living with just a sub floor, she finally got to order carpet–which entailed a lot of furniture moving, dejunking and reorganization of the entire house. She  spent every other spare moment not blogging but trying desperately just to find everyday objects. 
  3. Her teenagers are building their own computers and spend every after-school minute on her computer researching RAM and ROM and heat sink fans and drivers. And the latest Coldplay album . . .
  4. The "newborns" in her care morphed–overnight–into little people–individual personalities no longer content with full bellies and clean nappies to just watch the world go by and chew on their toes. Now they want Eensie Weensie  Spider, Round and Round the Garden and the like. And so instead of cleaning up as messes and meals happen during the day, all household chores remain to be done after the infants go home. Not that if the computer were on after hours she would get to use it.
  5. The two-year-old population learned to talk–as a group. Something verbose  in the air. Now they never stop. And not only do they want to know everything, they want her to know everything, too. Who did what, when they did it, why, what happened next, what might happen and all the colors of the rainbow and frequency of their bodily functions, wants, needs, desires and dreams.
  6. She caught the swine flu.
  7. She didn't catch the swine flu because she spends her entire day, sunup to sundown, disinfecting things that snotty noses and fingers have touched/sneezed/drooled on/or licked. 
  8. Two weeks ago her husband purchased a bag of fortune cookies and after one hilarious round with made-up fortunes composed specifically for each preschooler who had no way of knowing what the printed fortune actually said, she realized they should have told the children that the papers said things like "One-seven-three-twelve"; or something so equally boring that they would throw the fortune away like the core of an apple, and would never, ever ask again for their little stash of papers to be read aloud. Every day. Twenty times a day.
  9. During nap time, when she used to blog, she is instead preparing her first novel for publication. 
  10. She was just having one of those weeks, that somehow stretched into two, precipitated by certain segments of a 28 day cycle, comments and/or actions by certain genetically related individuals who were maybe having one of those weeks of their own variety, and various alignments or misalignments of the stars.
  11. She has been reading a (very long) thought-provoking book about Benedict Arnold and the Revolutionary War.
  12. All or some of the above. Choose your own adventure.

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4 responses to “Excuses

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